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Theresa Blackburn

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At the tender age of 40, I am still learning about myself.

It is hard to imagine not really 'knowing' everything about yourself at this point ... but this is what I have discovered - that there is more of me to be uncovered.

For instance, me, the woman who took hissy fits after her 18-year-old daughter sauntered home one evening with a tattoo, went and got one for herself this year.

I commissioned a lovely piece of art with four flowers and a vine for the top of my foot. I wanted to do something a bit crazy to celebrate my 40th so I decided permanent art, complements of Jody Denny at Green Eyed Monster Tattoo in Woodstock, would suffice.

The tattoo, with each flower in the colour of my children's and husband's birthstones, turned out beautifully.

Years ago, a friend who has a tattoo business in his home offered to let me 'feel' what the needles were like ... without ink. After that, I swore I would never get a tattoo.

As my dad used to say, 'never say never.'

Just like my weight. I think I was resigned to the fact that I would never be thin ... that my waist size of 20 years ago - a size 12 - would remain just a memory.

But now I think that memory could become reality by this time next year ... God and mind-willing.

I am succeeding at keeping active and keeping out of the fridge. For the first time in decades I can say yes to one cookie, and no to the rest of the bag.

It's been nearly three months since being diagnosed with elevated blood sugar and being told I was borderline diabetic.

After three months, I've not once fallen off the wagon ... not accidentally, anyway.

I've gone to two weddings, went to two birthday parties, and have sipped a couple of glasses of wine. But the difference this time is the fact I actually planned for these events, and then got back on track the very next day.

And when I've really wanted something, like ice cream, a.k.a. my Achilles heel, I have chosen correctly, picking up a small tub of half-the-fat ice cream and dishing it out a bit at a time ... over time.

And all I can say is WOW.

I can't get over this feeling. From failing so many times over so many years to coming to the conclusion that I CAN do this ... that I WILL do this.

It's weird.

For so long I had failed, and for so long I just thought it wasn't in the cards to get rid of this weight ... to be able to feel good again, to be fit.

And here I am, going to Curves when I have the time, walking to work, playing floor hockey with the staff team at NBCC Woodstock and eating right ...

Again, wow.

It's like I'm not the same person, and it feels so good.

The best part - overhearing something my husband said to our oldest daughter.

"By this time next year, your mother will have lost all the weight she needs to."

It made me smile.

I know he's always supported me in my efforts to try and get fit of the years, but after two decades of watching me fail, even though he never ever said anything about my failures, I just figured he thought I'd never be able to do this either.

But he believes I can ... and that makes me even more determined. Part of the reason I think I'll succeed is because I'm not even thinking about next year or being able to lose the 100 pounds I need to.

I'm thinking in short-term goals. When I first moved here I was 279 pounds; now I'm down to 246.

When I started Weight Watchers at the end of July, I looked at getting below 250. Now I'm looking at 240 as my magic number ... and once I conquer it ... it'll be on to 230.

I feel a bit like a roulette player at a casino, shouting, 'Come on 230 ... give me 230' as I throw the dice ... except the odds, in this case, are in my favour!

Theresa Blackburn is a wife, mother and New Brunswick Community College instructor who lives and diets in Woodstock. You can e-mail her at theresa@mybigfatlife.ca, or join her group, Big Fat Life, on Facebook.